An ode to Chalky Woods and his Special Spanner...
by Gordon Willcox...
Dear Friends,
By now the tales of Chalky Woods are etched in Oxonlaw,
You’ve heard about his hearing aid, and his perfect bowling draw,
And ‘bout his time in hospital, when a mask got him in trouble,
He’d keep us all so entertained, if we could share his bubble.
Whilst bowling is his first love, Chalky’s got another passion,
It’s not collecting postage stamps, or the latest designer fashion,
It’s more to do with shiny nuts and a carefully oiled big end,
And a sportily curving body, to polish and lovingly tend.
Yes, our Chalky’s got a vintage car, a precious MGB,
And to find his youth, lost years ago, needs only turn the key,
Kept under wraps in garage block, behind a safe locked door,
He gets in out on sunny days, and feels like Roger Moore.
Now Chalky’s wife is Mable, he drives her near and far,
Down country lanes and moorland plains, in his little antique car.
But Chalky’s heart is broken, when little car breaks down,
And men on garage forecourts, just shake their heads and frown.
So, under bonnet he did go, to fix it with a hammer,
But what you need old Chalky mate, is a very special spanner.
Now Chalky searched for years and years, to find this special tool,
At car boots sales and motor stores, from Bath to Liverpool.
Then man appeared at garden fence, with bagpipes and a caber,
T’was Angus Burns, a mighty chap, his friendly Scottish neighbour,
So, conversation soon began, and Chalky told him of his jam,
And like the action man he was, old Angus formed a plan.
“You’ve heard of Doctor Who I guess, well my kilt is like his Tardis”,
“It’s bigger than you think up there, feel free to try you’re hardest”,
“I keep all sorts of things up there, from tyres to paddling pool”,
“And if you have a good root round, you might even find your tool”.
“I’ve often wondered what’s worn up there, ‘tween sporran and kilt boarder”,
“There’s nothing worn up there, old mate, it’s all in working order”,
Said Angus, “I’ve lost my tam Ashanta, it’s a little tartan hat”,
“So, when you’re looking round up there, could you have a look for that”.
And so, to look up Angus kilt, old Chalky had to kneel,
He closed his eye and took a breath, and had a real good feel,
And between the cosy crevasse, where nothing muchcould hide,
He swore he put his hand upon, a pair of new Drakes Pride.
He had a good root round up there, in search of tool and hat,
Seeking out these precious things, amongst the bits of tat,
Moving hand with care and skill, avoiding things most tender,
He came across a middle block, and a broken bowling fender.
Then suddenly he came upon, a thing that felt most daft,
It had the feel of stainless steel, with a telescopic shaft,
And as he moved along its length to seek the unknown end,
He found the tip was flexible, with a cunning little bend.
By and by, returned to wife and car, with smile and precious spanner,
“Scotty came up trumps my love, we’ll have to hoist a banner”,
“And tell our friends about this chap, in case they’ve something lost”,
“He’s please for all to warm their hands, especially in a frost”.
And so dear friends the tales been told, we havereached the story’s end,
How Chalky found his special tool, for his precious car to mend,
And on winter nights, by fire side bright, with memories to saver,
He smiles and thinks of Angus Burns, his friend and special neighbour.
By now the tales of Chalky Woods are etched in Oxonlaw,
You’ve heard about his hearing aid, and his perfect bowling draw,
And ‘bout his time in hospital, when a mask got him in trouble,
He’d keep us all so entertained, if we could share his bubble.
Whilst bowling is his first love, Chalky’s got another passion,
It’s not collecting postage stamps, or the latest designer fashion,
It’s more to do with shiny nuts and a carefully oiled big end,
And a sportily curving body, to polish and lovingly tend.
Yes, our Chalky’s got a vintage car, a precious MGB,
And to find his youth, lost years ago, needs only turn the key,
Kept under wraps in garage block, behind a safe locked door,
He gets in out on sunny days, and feels like Roger Moore.
Now Chalky’s wife is Mable, he drives her near and far,
Down country lanes and moorland plains, in his little antique car.
But Chalky’s heart is broken, when little car breaks down,
And men on garage forecourts, just shake their heads and frown.
So, under bonnet he did go, to fix it with a hammer,
But what you need old Chalky mate, is a very special spanner.
Now Chalky searched for years and years, to find this special tool,
At car boots sales and motor stores, from Bath to Liverpool.
Then man appeared at garden fence, with bagpipes and a caber,
T’was Angus Burns, a mighty chap, his friendly Scottish neighbour,
So, conversation soon began, and Chalky told him of his jam,
And like the action man he was, old Angus formed a plan.
“You’ve heard of Doctor Who I guess, well my kilt is like his Tardis”,
“It’s bigger than you think up there, feel free to try you’re hardest”,
“I keep all sorts of things up there, from tyres to paddling pool”,
“And if you have a good root round, you might even find your tool”.
“I’ve often wondered what’s worn up there, ‘tween sporran and kilt boarder”,
“There’s nothing worn up there, old mate, it’s all in working order”,
Said Angus, “I’ve lost my tam Ashanta, it’s a little tartan hat”,
“So, when you’re looking round up there, could you have a look for that”.
And so, to look up Angus kilt, old Chalky had to kneel,
He closed his eye and took a breath, and had a real good feel,
And between the cosy crevasse, where nothing muchcould hide,
He swore he put his hand upon, a pair of new Drakes Pride.
He had a good root round up there, in search of tool and hat,
Seeking out these precious things, amongst the bits of tat,
Moving hand with care and skill, avoiding things most tender,
He came across a middle block, and a broken bowling fender.
Then suddenly he came upon, a thing that felt most daft,
It had the feel of stainless steel, with a telescopic shaft,
And as he moved along its length to seek the unknown end,
He found the tip was flexible, with a cunning little bend.
By and by, returned to wife and car, with smile and precious spanner,
“Scotty came up trumps my love, we’ll have to hoist a banner”,
“And tell our friends about this chap, in case they’ve something lost”,
“He’s please for all to warm their hands, especially in a frost”.
And so dear friends the tales been told, we havereached the story’s end,
How Chalky found his special tool, for his precious car to mend,
And on winter nights, by fire side bright, with memories to saver,
He smiles and thinks of Angus Burns, his friend and special neighbour.
